Unenlightened
by RegulusBlackIsAHero
Summary: Regulus Black has left the cave alive, but he won't be for long. And he knows it. He won't run. He won't try to find help. No, he faces death with no fear. His musings as he waits for the death eaters: love, family, and his two greatest secrets. Please read and review! Rated T for character death and swearing (twice. It's not bad) For the Magic competition by l0stinl0ve.


The wind blows roughly against my pallid skin. I sit still, heart racing, body trembling. The night continues on without me as I sit in the shadows of a muggle street.

_ Oh Merlin, have pity on my soul._

I have a secret. No, it's not one of those secrets that you mention just to get others to want to know it. It's not for attention. In fact, I'd rather the affected party didn't react at all, but they will. Only a fool would think they could escape it.

All heroes have secrets. Personally, I believe I am not a hero. Many of those I love consider me to be one. Though, some not any longer. Some will forget of the things I did for them when they learn of my betrayal.

Mother always said that I was the hero that saved the Black family. Now, I'm slated for death. I have no heir.

Kreacher says I am a hero to him. Why? For the simple reason of treating him like a being with true feelings. My brother claims that he is a protector, a hero, for all those worth fighting for. He's always hated Kreacher. Is my elf – my friend – not worthy enough for my brother's standards?

One would think that secrets are interesting, tempting. Many want to know them. Children have them. Those with them receive much attention from the ones who wish to know them, to have something to hide. Faced with harsh reality, men, good men, bad men, all have secrets. Some are small, a betrayal of trust, a stolen kiss when bound to another. Some are unforgivable, a wand pointed at another's neck, a man slipping on a mask...

My secrets are unforgivable; I know it. I'll never ask for forgiveness, no, that would be a waste of time. At least not for this secret. I have another. _Who doesn't?_ Inside of me I realize that all people have secrets, even the "light" side, even Dumbledore. But I can't help but think that my _entire_existence is a lie.

Do I personally support Voldemort? _No._

Am I a death eater? _Yes._

Do I hate my brother? _No._

Did I tell him that I did? _Yes._

I have only one question that I can answer truthfully.

Have I already signed my own death warrant? _Hell yes._

It's funny, really, in an ironic sort of way. My biggest secret would remedy the one I had kept for years if it came out. All I had to do was make sure it reached my brother's ears, and he would hate me no longer, nor would he believe I ever hated him.

Then again, he could also say that I'm lying. He could look at me with anger and refuse to help me, saying that I chose the wrong side, and that now I must reap the results. I wish to ask.

I know I can't. This secret has repercussions. I have no wish for my brother to be killed because of it, and I assure you (it occurs to me that I am saying this to myself, and still thinking as if to another person. Perhaps madness and insanity has come over me in the last hours of my life. I have seen it happen to others) he would be killed.

He would be right to tell me that I chose the wrong side. I wanted protection for, yes, myself but mostly for my family.

At the crossroads of my life, I made a sharp turn, and now I'm drowning in it. Actually, hell with the sharp turn, I ejected myself off the broomstick. With my chosen path of darkness, I grew up. At eighteen, I am no child. The mark burns black only once on a child. After that, they have seen things that no child could endure.

What does that make me? _A monster, demon, fiend…_A mistake.

Years ago, when I was a weak, innocent child, had I been asked about death, I would have said,

_'Stars never die!'_

That's why my name means, you know. I'm a star, just like my brother. Though. In both the sky and in real life, my brother shines much brighter than I ever will. I'm the heart of a lion. I'm on the inside, unseen, unheard but there. My brother is on the outside, head held high, proud, brave... He was always the lion, but I have only recently accepted the heart. Before, had I been asked about that, I would have said something scathing and thought, once again, if my parents had been drunk the night the named me. Now, I'm proud of that name.

I'm a snake who turned lion. Bravery has never been something I'd claim as one of my traits. Oh no, I firmly believed my brother received that trait, though from where I was never sure. Now, in my present situation, I'm waiting quietly, calmly for death. You can't get much braver the that.

I suppose that my secret isn't a very lion-like thing to do. Neither is my death; slipping out in pure silence, at the dead of night, is not very brave. I should be on the rooftops of London, screaming out that yes, I was a death eater, and yes, I betrayed him. That may even bring my death faster.

Yet, I can't do that. The Dark Lord - Voldemort - will do unspeakable things to keep his secrets under wrap. Unfortunately, his secret became one of mine.

You know,

One would think a hero's death would be grand; that he'd sacrifice himself. He'd fall, fighting till the end, weapons still in his hands. One would think there would be a moment of mourning, where everything just stopped to acknowledge the departed soul, and there was pure silence. His lover would sob over the body, breaking the noble, noiseless vigil. Eyes closed, expression closed, calm, brave, showing those he left behind that he felt no fear in the face of death.

I suppose one could say that I'm a hero. Betraying Voldemort, showing this sort of detached bravery, but I'm only a kid. _Why does the world not realize that?_I have no lover to cry over me once I'm lost; instead, that role will fall to my mother. Why? Because I'm only eighteen. I finished school not even a year ago, and now, here I am, contemplating death as an old man.

That's how I feel. _Ancient_. I've learned from too many mistakes too quickly. What happened to the naive arrogance of my youth? My older brother still has it! Why have the Fates chosen me, of all people, to fall under with the tide of innocents? I am lost. The rest of my generation will fool around until the last moment, when tragedy will wake them up. I've awoken to the pre-dawn sky, but I will fall asleep quickly.

I can only hope that it is painless, too.

I let out a soft sigh as I watch a dark bird fly overhead. Then I hear footsteps. They've come. I turn around, only to see a flash of blinding green light. Then it is all gone, and I see nothing.

Later, when I blink open my eyes to see a blinding tunnel; I am happy because for the first time in my life, I have no need for secrets.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.**

**This is for the Magic competition by ****l0stinl0ve****. It is for Colloprtus.**

**Please read and review. **


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